i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
