This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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