Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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