We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
