these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
