i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize