I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
