so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
