Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
