i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
