So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Randomize
