She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
