also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
