Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
