Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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