I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
