So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
