I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You made out with two different species that night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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