My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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