At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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