If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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