please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
