Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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