And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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