wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
