you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
