I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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