I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry about my life...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
