I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
