i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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