somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.