This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize