The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
