hotel room ftw
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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