I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
