so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
