and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
