He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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