and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
