Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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