My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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