All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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