i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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