i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
