This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
