I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
