Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
