It was confusing and full of hummus
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
