Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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