plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
