You're so nebulous sometimes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
