I love black thongs
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
