respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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