How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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