New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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