And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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