Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
