I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
