Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's the barista slut.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
