seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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