i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
