Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize