I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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