dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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