So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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