my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this boner is exhausting
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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