Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
