oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
