there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
