oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
