I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
