Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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