i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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