Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
