That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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