My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
