Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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