He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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