guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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